self-love

GET CURIOUS.

The GET CURIOUS framework aims to help Black women delve into the art of self-awareness. Through guided introspection, this model aids in excavating hidden emotions, identifying root causes of pain, and fostering holistic healing.

Framework Components

1. Release the Need to Be Right

Exercise: Conduct a self-assessment to identify situations where the need to be correct has hindered your growth.

Question: When faced with situations where you have to make hard decisions, ask yourself: “What is more important to me—being right or healing?”

2. Acknowledge and Name Your Emotions

Exercise: Use a feeling wheel to identify and label your feelings. See below for a link.

Question: “What is the core emotion I am feeling right now?”

3. Experience and Explore Your Emotions

Exercise: Utilize mindfulness to analyze and sit with your emotions.

Question: “Where is this emotion stemming from, and what does it signify for me?”

4. Take Your Time and Write That Shit Out

Question: “What narratives are surfacing in my journaling that need further exploration?”

5. Ask 'What' Questions

Exercise: Engage in self-inquiry using “what” as the lead word.

Question: “What factors contributed to this emotion? What can I learn from this?”

6. BEA Gracious

Exercise: Reflect on instances where you fell short, forgiving yourself and identifying ways to improve.

Question: “What can I learn from my failures to make more informed choices in the future?”

7. Practice Kaizen

Exercise: Identify one small change you can implement for self-improvement.

Question: “What is the one percent improvement I can make [in this moment, in the future]?”

8. Feel it in Your Soul, Sis

Exercise: Use guided visualization or deep reflection to ensure soul-level resolution.

Question: “Is my soul at peace with my conclusions?”

9. Ask for a Second [Third + Fourth] Opinion

Exercise: Seek input from trusted mental health accountability partners.

Question: “What alternate perspectives or insights am I missing?”

10. BEA Vulnerable

Exercise: Share your reflections and growth areas with someone you trust.

Question: “What part of my story am I hesitant to share but know is crucial for my healing?”

Additional Resources

The GET CURIOUS framework is a guide and a committed lifestyle to discovering your authentic self. Following these steps diligently will bring about self-awareness, holistic healing, and a life filled with ease and serenity.

Note: This framework is informational and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider for medical advice and treatment.

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Copyright © 2023. GET CURIOUS: What Does It Mean to Get Curious. All rights reserved.

What Are You Telling People About You?

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We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, what we stop and what we reinforce.

So, when they hurt us, it is our responsibility to teach them how to treat us. Our response to their infraction tells them what we will accept and how much we value ourselves.

It is important that when you speak up for yourself, you don’t use victim vocabulary. Victim vocabulary will only encourage them to continue their poor behavior toward you and give them permission to invite other people to do the same. You want to stand in control of your circumstances, never giving your power away to someone else. What does this look like?

It looks like you being honest with yourself, practicing mindfulness, accepting personal responsibility, evaluating your trauma, and not complaining, but seeking solutions. You want to maintain in control of your life and the outcomes.

Example: Josh has a 32 in math. He’s asked his teacher for assistance over and over and she doesn’t help him.
Victim response: She doesn’t like me. I will have to live with a F.
Empowered response: Josh emails the teacher, copying the dean of the university with details of the issue and the times he’s sought assistance. He asks for a meeting and to have the dean included in the meeting.

If Josh takes the victim role, he is teaching his math teacher to continue to ignore him. When he moves to a position of empowerment, she knows that she has to pay attention to him.

What have you taught people about how to treat you?

Use the examples in this worksheet to guide you through evaluating how your response has been teaching people to treat you.

Service, Rest, Discipline

If you don't have the Iylanla Awakenings app, what are you really doing? 

Just kidding, but I couldn't help myself. Seriously, the app is amazing. I use it some mornings to get focused and help me start my day. I try to listen to it completely without my mind wandering off. If it does, I refocus or listen to it until I can focus without thinking of something that is not related to the message.

I found a recent message is worth sharing. 

You can listen to the full message below, but I want to bring intentional attention to her message about discipline + worth was powerful. To paraphrase she says :: Get your mind, body and spirit in alignment that what you are working toward is worth it. It lead me to ask you :: What in your life are you working toward is worth it?

When you think through the answer, consider her other two principles and well ::

  • Service :: This isn't service to others, but service to yourself. How is the thing that is worth it a service to you? If you can't determine how it is a service to you, what are you really doing it for?

  • Rest :: Is what is worth it allowing you to get rest? When she speaks of this, it is not about sleep (though that is super important). Rest is about being awake, still and in the moment. Listen to the full message so Iyanla can tell you how rest supports you.

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Meditation vs. Mindfulness

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We hear about mindfulness and meditation all the time; but, what is the difference? Are they the same? Let me break it down for you.

Mindfulness is the awareness of something, while meditation is the awareness of nothing. There are many forms of meditation. 

Mindfulness Meditation is a form of Clear Mind meditation that helps to do just as the name implies - clear your mind. Attention is paid to the natural rhythm of the breath while sitting, and to the rhythm of slow walking.

Mindfulness meditation is a mental training practice that teaches you to slow down racing thoughts, let go of negativity, and calm both your mind and body. Mindfulness techniques can vary, but in general, mindfulness meditation involves a breathing practice and awareness of body and mind.

You can be mindful and not meditate. This is the practice of sitting with your thoughts, asking yourself intentional questions about a situation to deepen your self-awareness, which will help you navigate difficult and triggering situations.

Mindfulness requires ::

  • Beginner’s mind :: Seeing things as a visitor in a foreign land, everything is new and curious.

  • No judgment :: Becoming impartial, without any labels of right or wrong or good or bad. Simply allowing things to be.

  • Acknowledgement :: Recognizing things as they are.

  • Being settled :: Being comfortable in the moment and content where you are.

  • Being composed :: Being equanimous and in control with compassion and insight.

  • Letting be :: Letting things be as they are with no need to change them.

  • Being self reliant :: Deciding on your own, from your own experiences, what is true or not.

  • Being self-compassionate :: Loving yourself as you are with no criticism or self-reproach.

Types of meditation ::

  • mindfulness meditation

  • spiritual meditation.

  • focused meditation.

  • movement meditation.

  • mantra meditation.

  • transcendental meditation

  • progressive relaxation.

  • loving-kindness meditation

How can these things help with stress?

  • Proactively manage stress

  • Reduce anxiety that comes from racing thoughts and projecting the future

  • Increase your self-awareness, which can improve relationships, help identify triggers and create strategies to support stress reduction and improved mental health

How + when to use them to help with stress.

Bio-individuality | Each person is different, but these are general practice rules

  • Begin your day | Center yourself and plan for your day | Help you anticipate stress of day

  • In the moment | Center yourself + stop racing thoughts and anxiety

  • Stop and ask questions to get to root cause + triggers

Girl, Affirm Yourself!

Affirmations

Words have power. When you speak positive words and affirm yourself you will experience happy times.

Positive affirmations can change your mood - immediately. They can also help you manifest the life you want. Create a list of positive affirmations and use them to help you navigate stressful moments. For example, if you are stressed about your finances you can say ::

  • I have all the resources to meet my needs.

  • I lack nothing.

  • I am resourceful and powerful. I will attract what I need to sustain and survive.

  • I’m a paper chaser. I got the block on fire. I will remain a G until the moment I expire. I know how to make something out of nothing. I handle my business. (Inspired by Ha by Juvenile) ***

  • I will win. It’s my winning season. (Inspired by You Will Win by Jakaylan Carr) ***

  • I’m a master lemonade maker. No matter what life hands me I made the best lemonade ever! Grab a glass! (Inspired by Lemonade by Beyoncè) ***

  • I won’t let Satan win aka Not today Satan. (Inspired by black mommas everywhere) ***

*** TAKEN FROM I AM ENOUGH :: 50 AFFIRMATIONS FOR BLACK WOMEN. ORDER HERE.